When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
