I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
