I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Please don't give away my fajitas
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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