I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize