well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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