The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
