its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
