the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
