community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
