I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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