i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
