some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
