Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
