well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
