I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish you could order shots online.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
