I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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