I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
