Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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