A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
