I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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