oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
