Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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