Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
