I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
