Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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