I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
