I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
