then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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