I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My pussy is not your playground.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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