Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
