It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
