i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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