could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
