The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
