Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize