Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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