I think I died a long time ago.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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