Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
