why didn't you poke me back
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
