we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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