Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
