So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
