Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My bed smells like the plague
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
