Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
