Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
