the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
