He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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