i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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