he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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