I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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