we made out on top of his cat.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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