is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
