We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
