I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
