Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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