Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
