and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
