God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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