i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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