i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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