so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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