god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize