you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
