Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
love makes seman taste better
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
