Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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