mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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