her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
