There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize