Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
These tits shall not be calmed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
