I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
