i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
