We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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