youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
