the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
