dude i'm inner monologue high
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You are a genius and a whore.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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