Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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