I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
