You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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