Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We need to get me chipped asap
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
